loneliness

sometimes having a big apartment in the diplomatic enclave just doesn't really cut it. case and point that things can never really make you happy forever. of course it's great to come home to a fabulous place, but it is so isolating too. i have always wavered on the whole alone time thing. it's not that i don't enjoy alone time, i do, because i can do things like this, but when it comes down to it, i would love to jump over to kyle's or molly's in 10 to sit on the couch and jab or eat nachos. those are the things i miss. the convinience of a small city, the luxury of a car, and a city that isn't hard to drive places. so i find myself in between two scenarios, almost always. so busy i can't keep track, or so isolated that i feel like crying. the happy balance is hard, as always, to find here in delhi.

the novelty of it all has worn off. at this point i find pure frustration in not knowing where things are, not having the umpfa to go into the market and deal with 'men's club' and not having the cushion that living some place for more than 3 months (yes, i am at least realistic) gives you.

i feel like i constantly have to make india sound like a fabulous and intriguing place, which it is, but what i fail to mention and what really digs at me the most. that india is posterchild of the 'lack of.' the land of 'tikhe' the land of 'just ok.' i think this is for you, the reader, and those who love me and want this experience to be the fabulous that it is sometimes, and retrospectively will be. summatively it's just been a tough few days.